#72

#71

#70

Smithers: People like dogs, Mr. Burns.

Burns: Nonsense, dogs are idiots. Think about it Smithers, if I came into your room and started sniffing at your crotch and slobbering all over your face, what would you say?

Smithers: Umm...if you did it, sir?

#69

#68

#67

A guy goes to the pub, and says to his friend "You won't believe what happened. I was taking a short cut along the railway track, and I found a girl tied to it. I untied her, and then we had sex over and over again, all the positions, everything.

His friend replies, "That's great: did you get a blow job?"

Oh, no: I never found her head.

#66

Parabéns Bruno !! <3 

#65

I <3 transitive pictograph verbalizations

#64

#63

#62

#61

Krusty the Clown: Uh, just one thing. Are you guys any good at covering up any youthful and middle-aged indiscretions?

Mr. Burns: Are these indiscretions romantic, financial, or treasonous?

Krusty the Clown: A Russian hooker, you tell me.

Mr. Burns: Oh, no problem. We'll say you were on a fact-finding mission.

Krusty the Clown: I did find out one fact. She was a guy.

#60

• Chuck Norris will never have a heart attack. His heart isn't nearly foolish enough to attack him.

• Chuck Norris destroyed the periodic table, because Chuck Norris only recognizes the element of surprise.

• Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice.

• Chuck Norris does not hunt because the word hunting infers the probability of failure. Chuck Norris goes killing.

• If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can't see Chuck Norris you may be only seconds away from death.

• Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was finalized, Chuck roundhouse kicked the devil in the face and took his soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn't stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month.

• When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.

• Chuck Norris built a time machine and went back in time to stop the JFK assassination. As Oswald shot, Chuck Norris met all three bullets with his beard, deflecting them. JFK's head exploded out of sheer amazement.

• Chuck Norris has already been to Mars; that's why there are no signs of life there.

• They once made a Chuck Norris toilet paper, but it wouldn't take shit from anybody.

#59

#58

#57

hau

#56

#55

#54

#53

http://encyclopediadramatica.com/Rules_Of_The_Internet

#52

I put the cute in execute

#51

#50

I tried a new drink today called F5.
It was very refreshing.

#49

• The saddest moment for a child is not when he learns Santa Claus isn't real, it's when he learns Chuck Norris is.

• There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of animals Chuck Norris allows to live.

• The original title for Alien vs. Predator was Alien and Predator vs Chuck Norris; The film was cancelled shortly after going into preproduction. No one would pay nine dollars to see a movie fourteen seconds long.

• It takes Chuck Norris 20 minutes to watch 60 Minutes.

• We live in an expanding universe. All of it is trying to get away from Chuck Norris.

• When Chuck Norris does a pushup, he isn't lifting himself up, he's pushing the Earth down.

• Chuck Norris' first job was as a paperboy. There were no survivors.

• When Chuck Norris plays Monopoly, it affects the actual world economy.

• What was going through the minds of all of Chuck Norris' victims before they died? His shoe.

• Those aren't credits that roll after Walker Texas Ranger. It is actually a list of fatalities that occurred during the making of the episode.