• Chuck Norris was originally cast as the main character in 24, but was replaced by the producers when he managed to kill every terrorist and save the day in 12 minutes and 37 seconds.
• Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.
• Chuck Norris can kill two stones with one bird.
• When Chuck Norris gives you the finger, he's telling you how many seconds you have left to live.
• If it looks like chicken, tastes like chicken, and feels like chicken but Chuck Norris says its beef, then it's fucking beef!
• Ghosts are actually caused by Chuck Norris killing people faster than Death can process them.
• Death once had a near-Chuck-Norris experience.
• Chuck Norris can play the violin with a piano.
• Chuck Norris was once charged with three attempted murdered in Boulder County, but the Judge quickly dropped the charges because Chuck Norris does not "attempt" murder.
